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Feature 
The F Files: Hardcore
- By Brett
Fulesday, 5.21.01
Game Players/Ultra Game Players had Bill Donohue's "The Jaded Gamer" column.
Boston University students (a university which features a more-than-quality School of Management - U. S. News and Wall Street Journal be damned) had the "pleasure" of reading The Bastard Columnist's ramblings this past semester.
David Letterman has his nightly "Top Ten" segment.
The Worldwide Leader in Sports has "The List" on its Page 2 site.
In an effort to awaken the inner child in gamers (read: any publicity is good publicity), I - in the upcoming days, weeks, and months - will try my darnedest to establish a mini-feature that generates chuckles, comments and, hopefully, repeated pageviews. Irreverent, thoughtless, and condescending - everything, including Columbian beauty-pageant-contestants and their respective talents - is fair game.
That said, welcome to the inaugural edition of...The F Files.
What follows are the six signs that you - Joe Gamer - are, indeed, "hardcore":
A. 1-800-255-3700 and 1-900-288-0707 sound much better than 867-5309.
B. The Scorched Earth Policy entails lighting bushes and shrubs on fire so as to reveal the entrance to, say, hypothetically, a labyrinth.
C. You remember Capt. Lou Albano for his sitcom work - not for his affiliation with Cyndi Lauper.
D. Your nightlife revolves around refreshing IGN Cube's page until you see the two - perhaps three - new news stories.
E. Japanese game designers (from, say, EAD) compose your favorite musical pieces - as opposed to, say, a regular music group that would appear on MTV or VH1.
F. You remember when Nintendo met a release date.
Humourous? Not humourous? Have future cases for "The F Files"? Comment by e-mailing me directly at the address provided underneath the title or by sending a letter to the E-Bag.
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